My biggest fear is failure.

    I get the biggest punch to the stomach once the email ringtone sounds off on my phone, is it the agency? have they received the latest documents, are we pretty enough? What if I'm too short? Are we educated enough? Are our jobs deal breakers? What about my health?  Side Note: we have had to submit pictures with every application. Most agencies require a scrapbook depicting our family and the birth mother looks through the 4 or 5 scrapbooks to aid her in choosing the perfect family for her child. It certainly feels as though we are partaking in the county jails line up procedure. "Alright, all of you face forward, turn to the left, now face forward. Now, one at a time, firmly state ' I am the next Top Mommy!' 
  
  My Abuela firmly believes, "Mija, no news is good news." However, when the absence of communication with the agencies extend into 21 days the only good news is that the stock in Kleenex & Charmin have hit record numbers due to its rapid demand in the Kelderman Kasa! So, basically, YES I am a basket-case on pretty much any given day. I experience the worthlessness of failure even before I have the opportunity to fail.

I came across this article regarding failure and believe it was available to me at this very time for a reason. I hope it is for you as well!


I have never met a single person whose goal in life was to fail but failure is a reality of life. The key to success is not avoiding failure; it is learning how to handle failure.

·         Beethoven's music teacher once told him that he was a hopeless composer.

·         Abraham Lincoln campaigned for a seat in the Illinois General Assembly and failed. He then opened a general store which failed after only a few months.

·         Walt Disney was fired by the editor of a newspaper for lacking creativity.

·         The Ford Motor Company was Henry Ford's third business. The first two didn't work out.

·         A teacher told Thomas Edison that he was too stupid to learn anything.

·         Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times.

I remember the first time I failed a test. I was in fourth grade and my teacher, Mr. Hightower decided to test us on the names of the states and their capitols. We had been studying them for what seemed like an eternity. I did not like Geography and tended to daydream my way through class. Why did I need to know the names of states I would probably never visit? And what was the big deal about state capitols? As far as I could tell from the pictures in my Geography book, they all looked pretty much the same to me - boring.
Even though I did not like Geography, I had to make 100 on the Geography test. Why? I was only 8-years-old but I knew the unspoken rule that failing a test meant I was a failure.

When Mr. Hightower told us to clear our desks except for one pencil, I panicked. A quick glance at the assignment board revealed nothing. The look of confusion on the faces of my classmates told me that they were just as clueless as I was.
"We are having a little test to see how you are doing in Geography," Mr. Hightower explained. I had three problems with his statement. First, there is no such thing as a "little" test. Second, no one had said anything about having a test, and third, I did not know the names of the states and their capitols. When I voiced my complaints, Mr. Hightower smiled and said it was a "pop quiz."
 
My stomach dropped and I broke out in a cold sweat. My mind raced as I frantically searched for my Geography book. Maybe I could learn the names of a capitol or two while he handed out the tests. "No books allowed Miss Velarde!"
When the blank outline of the United States appeared on my desk, I dissolved into tears.
When I finally stopped crying, Mr. Hightower said,  "what is wrong?" I wailed out what seemed to be a ridiculously obvious explanation.  "I don't know the names of the states or their capitols,"  "Do you know some of them?" he asked. I thought for a moment. "I know some of them but not all of them and that means I'll fail the test," I responded. "Why don't you just do your best and see what happens," he said. I did my best ... and I still failed the test.

Guess what? The world kept spinning. I passed fourth grade and elementary school with flying colors, graduated from high school with honors, attended college on a cheerleading and academic scholarship. And I failed a lot along the way. So did a lot of people in the Bible. I recently read and did a study on the book, Bad Girls of the Bible and learned pretty much everyone was a failure! Adam and Eve blatantly disobeyed God and then lied about their sin. David committed adultery with Bathsheba and then plotted the murder of her husband. Peter bragged about his commitment to Jesus but denied Him - not once - but three times. In fact, it is hard to find Biblical characters who did not fail at some point, but those who learned from their failure and used it as a tool of growth were often used by God to accomplish great things. 
I have come to believe that failure is a necessary part of our growth and maturity as a follower of Jesus Christ. Failure can interpret the unconditional love and forgiveness of God like nothing else can - if we let it. Desperation can be our friend if it makes us crave God and long to see His power unleashed in our lives. Failure is not final but God's grace is.