At age 11, I was diagnosed with endometriosis & ovarian cysts. I had surgery every year to year and a half, sometimes twice a year, until the age of 24. I was told by doctors from California to New York that I would have difficulty conceiving. They all would shake their heads somewhat dumbfounded with an inability to treat me, yet they all regurgitated the same nomadic phrase: "you are too young".
I knew that God was the ultimate say-so the alpha & omega. He knew the desires of my heart. Coming from a broken family, my deepest desire was to be a wife & a mother of 5 boys. (Yeah, I have had ppl tell me how ridiculous that sounds).
As the number of surgeries climbed well into double digits, my faith began to waiver. The Will I thought God had for me was appearing more & more like a practical joke. Especially in May 2005. I paid a visit to my doctor regarding migraines and left with a fingernail-sized blood clot on my pituitary gland. It stemmed from years & years of being placed on birth control (age 11-21). I traded birth control, that supposedly suppressed the growth of cysts & endometriosis, for blood thinners and all the side effects. In September of 2005, I was diagnosed with stage 1 ovarian cancer. Underwent radiation & surgery even missed my college graduation ceremony. After 7 months in remission, I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometrial cancer. Chemo & radiation were the doctors orders, after 15 consecutive days of aggressive treatment my symptoms grew worse. My mother had to fly in to team up with my doctors and convince me to have the hysterectomy. All I ever wanted was about to be demolished. My mother exclaimed, all she ever wanted was to out live her children. If I did not choose the hysterectomy my chances were grim. If I have a hysterectomy and lose every ounce of possibility to bear children, who then would want me, let alone marry me?
Is satan trying to take over? God surely wouldn't do this to me right??....or would He?!
I remember coming out of my anesthesia based coma from the hysterectomy recalling Matt passed out with his head on my hospital tray. My mom muttered, "y este pallazo, quien es? No ha salido ni nada?" (who's this clown? He hasn't gone anywhere or has even left the room)!
I'm pretty sure he woke up because he knew we were talking about him in spanish, ;) 6 weeks later after my COMPLETE hysterectomy, I should have turned into an old dried up menopausal young lady. Instead I was experiencing severe abdominal pain & bleeding. Turns out, my body was still producing hormones because it decided to grow a whole ovary in a matter of 6 weeks!! 8 months after that I underwent an Oophorectomy, topping the charts at 16 total surgeries.
My relationship with God has been quite the love/hate relationship, but I always ask for forgiveness and crawl back on His lap and cry. He continues to reassure me that His plan is still in action. I am still His Treasured Princess. Even though I thought God was punishing me through all of this chaos, also known as my health, God gently whispered, "that is exactly what satan wanted you to believe, he intended all of this to hurt you yet I intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Gen. 50:20)
Because of Him,
Matt & Jenn Kelderman
Jen, well first of all let me say God bless you and Matt on you journey. you and I have been friends for many years I can remember your problems back when we were in school together. You were always so strong even though I knew you were in so much pain. You have honestly been an inspiration to me as well as to other women. I know you will make an AWESOME mother. You have courage, discipline dedication and most of all so much LOVE to give and you will make a baby very lucky to have you as well as Matt...You both have overcome so much together you both deserve the happiness and love a baby will bring. I love ya and I hope and pray both of your dreams of becoming parents will come true!!!
ReplyDelete